


How Could You Leave Us?

by literarykat



Series: Supergirl Returns [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, and writing fanfic for them!!, but here i am sobbing over these two, cause clois parallels will be the death of me!!, listen writing about these two is my only way of coping w the stress, so here you are, uhm so i have two papers due this week and an entire midterm to finish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-09-30 18:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10169435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literarykat/pseuds/literarykat
Summary: That one story where Kara Danvers disappears and Lena Luthor learns to live without her (or does she?)





	1. BREAKING: girl of steel collides headfirst with heart of steel

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively titled supergirl returns. because this is based off of bryan singers' superman returns. it's not my favorite movie but i also just really love the clois dynamic in it and i am a sucker for the clois and supercorp parallels so here is some more supercorp. idk how many chapters this will be so stay tuned for more.

When Supergirl leaves earth, Lena is sure she's not coming back.

She's known for the longest time that Kara and Supergirl are the same person. She's too smart not to realize that. So, when Supergirl leaves, Kara Danvers leaves too. A vacation, Snapper tells her. 

_Yeah right,_ Lena thinks. 

Supergirl leaves and it's the talk of National City for about a few months. They think she's coming back. But after five months, they realize the girl of steel is long gone. They don't see her again for five years. 

At this point Lena's reaching thirty. L Corp has become a multimillion dollar powerhouse. Not that it wasn't before, it's just that now it's Lena who's made it become so. Not Lex. She hasn't heard that name slip past someone's lips for three years. That she's okay with, it makes it all the easier. 

She's out branched with the company, creating tools to help both aliens and humans reside alongside one another in harmony. L Corp has created outreach programs for orphans both alien and human alike. 

Just this year she's begun a project she started when Kara was still on earth. A space program, entirely run on earth friendly materials. Lena starts it because it's time to move on, time to make L Corp something just a little bigger. 

Granted, most everything she's worked on is all due to Kara. Kara changed 20 years of Luthor xenophobia grilled into Lena. She showed her that aliens weren't that different from humans. That Lena really had nothing to fear, for the most part. 

She's thankful to Kara, _Supergirl,_ about that. Like most of National City, she's beginning to realize Supergirl was their gateway to a better community. Now that Supergirl was gone, though, she realizes maybe it's for the best. National City couldn't always have Supergirl.

National City didn't always _need_ Supergirl. 

And Lena Luthor didn’t always need Supergirl. She’s grown to learn that the hard way. It’s been hell, to let go of someone who made you feel like you were worth something, who could be there for you like no one else could. Someone who was healthy for you and treated you right after twenty years of not feeling adequate for a family that took you under their wing. She’s made something of herself without Supergirl around, though. Supergirl, Kara, gave her the push in the right direction, the motivation she needed when she first started getting away from the Luthor name. She was there for Lena but then she disappeared and Lena had to once again was left to be alone. It hardened whatever started to soften around Kara Danvers. She shut everyone out like she always had, except more prominently this time. Lena got away from that Luthor reputation. She was no longer Lena Luthor, the adopted child. She was strictly Lena Luthor, without any bad strings attached.

She hadn’t visited Lex in three years. Hadn’t heard a peep from Lillian in four. It was as if they didn’t exist. Lena found that she liked that. 

Where Kara Danvers had made her smiles and kind gestures, she turned it into hard frowns and disassociation from society. She attended galas, hosted events but she never truly got into them the same way she used to. People noticed but no one dared utter a word about it.

Alex Danvers, Kara’s sister, tried visiting once or twice. Lena could tell she was doing it for Kara. She had wondered, briefly, when Alex first visited with donuts, if she kept in touch with Kara despite being planets away. 

_“She’s doing good, I think. I haven’t heard much.”_ Alex had admitted to her when Lena asked. Then she noticed the engagement ring on Alex’s finger and wondered briefly if that’s why Kara left. Her sister had always been close to her, she talked so much about her to Lena. 

Alex visited once more after that but Lena turned her away due to business complications. She didn’t hear from her again, only received an invitation to a wedding a few months later. Lena, of course, did not go. 

She’s learned to cut herself off from anyone associated with Kara Danvers. Not only that, but places too. She won’t go to the local winery, where she and Kara had visited on several occasions. The coffee shop just down the block hasn’t seen hide nor hare of Lena Luthor since Kara’s leave. Other places, the park, local cinema, a restaurant favorite of Lena’s that she always took Kara to after a huge article. Definitely not the local Chinese restaurant either.

The key Kara had given her to her apartment had collected dust in Lena’s bedside drawer for the past five years. Lena had gone into her apartment a few times after she left, trying to make sure dust didn’t collect and that the plants were watered. It was her way of coping for a good few months. The smell of Kara hadn’t left and sometimes Lena would lie in the other woman’s bed hoping, praying even, that she would fall asleep and wake up to see Kara Danvers face once more.

She never slept and coincidentally, Kara Danvers never came. 

So, with that, Lena threw the key into the bedside drawer and left it there. She didn’t want anything to do with it again. No matter how badly it hurt, no matter how many times she drank until she was entirely numb in her office only for Jess to call a car around and take Lena home. No matters how many times Lena spent crying herself to sleep.

She hated herself for getting so attached to Kara ‘embodiment of sunshine’ Danvers. She hated that she had fallen for someone so quickly, that she had let herself ruin everything she built herself up to be (hard, distant, the National City ice queen) for this reporter who earned the title as Lena Luthor’s gal pal in news media.

It becomes easier with time, to forget about Kara Danvers. Or at least pretend to forget. People stop asking, Lena makes herself scarce. Workload increases tenfold. She’s thankful for it, really, the way L Corp blew up nearly overnight and suddenly she was overloaded with work and given barely any time to think about the girl she lost along the way. Working on the projects that built a bridge between aliens and humans may not have helped but Lena finds them as a type of closure. By finishing what Kara Danvers, Supergirl, wanted all along, she can let go of whatever she felt obligated to with the charismatic Kryptonian.

She scans the news reports on science. It’s more to look at the news NASA puts out. A new planet found, mysterious objects in the sky. She finds a blog about a year after Kara vanishes called _Supergirl Returns?_ She laughs, fucking laughs, for about ten minutes, a glass of scotch in hand as she scrolls through the blog. People have theories, people begin posting pictures that they think could be Supergirl. Who would’ve thought the girl of steel would become a conspiracy theory?

It was the first time she thought about Kara in six months. She immediately blocked the site after one drunken night of scrolling through and never thought about it again. 

The next four years flew by in a whirlwind of business deals, business trips, business galas, business meetings, business, business, business. Lena drowned in it. She dated around. A pretty girl from France here, a lovely daughter of a business partner there. None of them lasted longer than three months. She ignored the fact that they shared Kara’s physical appearance; blonde hair and blue eyes, a million dollar smile, a nice body.

So, maybe Lena Luthor wasn’t over Kara Danvers. But she could act like it. And she was doing quite well without the girl of steel.

* * *

"Miss Luthor, right this way." A flight attendant leads Lena to her seat on the plane. Today, L Corp will make history. The first satellite launch into space without using a rocket. Cost effective enough and as Lena's scientist group put it, 'killing two birds with one stone.'

Because they're launching the satellite from a commercial airplane, passengers aboard and everything. But they've planned this out thoroughly. Besides, all who is on the flight are reporters and a few corporate businessmen who helped fund the project alongside L Corp. Lena tells herself if the operation goes awry, then maybe at least there aren't casual civilians, families, getting hurt. 

She buckles herself in, looks out the window the entire time. Lena only half listens to the flight attendant who explains what will be carrying on in the operation, what to do if there's an emergency. 

Lena hates flying. She's never been a fan, not even when Supergirl would carry her across National City or when she'd catch her after the billionth time she's been thrown over something due to Lillian's henchmen. 

At least Supergirl tried to make her feel safe. Regardless, Lena utterly despised it. Even if it was, statistically speaking, the safest form of transportation. Kara would always laugh at that. Shake her head and tell Lena that of course she knew statistics on the safest transportation. Lena would always smile back, wouldn't tell Kara she had always heard that from Lex. 

So of course something goes wrong, it always has to. The satellite doesn't detach from the plane, instead begins sending the plane into the atmosphere. Everything becomes bumpy and it gets hard to breathe, Lena can see the frost forming outside the windows. The safety masks come down and she desperately puts one on, and peers outside her window just to see a flash of blue and red. 

Lena tells herself she's hallucinating, because there's no way she's back and saving Lena like the good old times. She doesn't give herself time to think because the satellite finally detaches by some miracle and the plane is spiraling out of control, crashing back down to earth. 

And that's when she sees her again and suddenly Lena's heart stops working properly. There's something different about her, is it the suit? She can't exactly tell yet, but Supergirl's pulling at the plane wing to get it to stop spiraling and Lena hears the snap, watches Supergirl and the wing get flung back, only for Supergirl to catch herself and race forward to the front of the plane. She briefly wonders if Supergirl knows that she’s on board and this is why she’s saving a plane. But Supergirl is an all around force for good, she’d save damn near anyone, even if they didn’t deserve it.

Lena closes her eyes after that, she can't take any more. Not when she can hear the ripple effect of Supergirl stopping the plane and it crumbles under her hands. They land, miraculously, in the middle of National City's park. The exit door is ripped off it's hinges and Supergirl strides inside in all her red and blue glory, not a single blonde ringlet out of place, red lipstick brighter than usual. 

"Is everyone okay?" She addresses the entire plane cabin but she's staring at Lena. Her eyes express so many emotions at once that Lena can't decipher them. She nods, slightly breathless and entirely shocked. 

Supergirl is gone in a flash after that and all the reporters are climbing over one another to get a glimpse of National City's long lost hero flying away.  


* * *

Coincidentally, Kara Danvers is back too. She visits Lena a few days after the Supergirl incident, in her usual pants and button up blouse attire. Lena's trying to figure out the damage costs on the operation for the satellite and as if she's back to old days, she doesn't hesitate to tell Jess to let Kara in when she's warned. She doesn’t think twice on it, but she realizes she should have.

Kara comes in and already is a bumbling mess. It's endearing and Lena doesn't realize how much she's missed it, missed her. She greets Kara politely, standing up and holding her hand out. Kara stares down at it and Lena almost retracts her polite gesture when she feels Kara's warm grasp in hers. She can see the disappointed look in Kara's face but it's been five years and Lena wouldn't lie if she said she wasn't a little upset. She wants to make that known.

“Five years and not a word from the intrepid reporter of CatCo. You, Kara Danvers, are hard to get a hold of. Here for an interview? I’m surprised Snapper allowed you back on the team.” Lena sits back down at her desk, not looking at Kara, instead busying herself with papers and a graph on her laptop. 

Kara sits opposite her desk and pushes at her glasses. “Well, Snapper’s gone and James is running the team so he let me back on. With conditions of course.”

Of course, Lena thinks, because yes James Olsen would. He knows Supergirl, knows that Kara is the girl behind that _S_ symbol. So of course he would let her back on after five years. “Fortunate,” Lena hums.

Silence spreads between them. Lena can feel the start of a migraine and almost grabs her bottle of pills in her desk but she stops halfway there and decides against it. Kara clears her throat. “I’m here to see you, actually. Off the record,” then a little more softly, “as your friend.”

As if they could ever be friends. As if they ever were. Kara up and left Lena when Lena needed her most and she doesn’t think friends do that sort of thing. She also doesn’t think friends flirt the way they used to, doesn’t think they would look at one another that long. But she plays along because Kara Danvers is sweet, thinking that Lena and her still can be friends.

There is also a part of her that’s missed this, but Lena’s gone so long without it that she ignores it.

“Then tell me, what has Miss Danvers been up to?” Lena gives her a tight smile, leans her elbows on her desk. Kara winces because she can see Lena is faking it but begins talking. She talks more about her friends than anything. Her sister has gotten married, James now is officially in charge of CatCo, Winn created a great piece of tech. Lena knows about that one because she keeps up to date on all things technology in the news. Hell, she remembers the day, two years ago, because she couldn’t help but think of Kara when she saw Winn’s face plastered on CatCo magazine.

Then Kara asks about her and well, things go to shit. Lena explains her many accomplishments in the past five years, speaks about National City like it’s her child because in truth it sort of is. But then she makes the offhanded comment, “all no thanks to Supergirl,” and can visibly see Kara get rigid. That in itself makes Lena a little tense. “You know, I should really get back to work, Kara.”

“Right, no of course,” Kara says, nodding her head and standing. She’s still a little tense and Lena can’t blame her. “It was really nice to see you again, Lena,” Kara tells her when she’s making her way to the door. Lena finally looks up and makes eye contact with the pure blue eyes. Her heart starts racing.

“You too, Kara.”

“I’ve missed you,” Kara breathes, then ducks out of the room without another word. Lena could see the tears forming in her eyes. She tries to understand what they could mean, paired with Kara’s parting words. She’s hopeful for a moment. But that hope leaves because Kara left for a reason. Left her for a reason. She can’t possibly be sorry for doing so.


	2. news flash, supergirl, you can stop talking about yourself in third person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hi wow thanks so much for the feedback! glad y'all are enjoying--so here's another update cause i finished this chapter sooner than expected. enjoy some supergirl talking to lena about kara even tho lena knows kara is supergirl. and some angst. cause who doesn't love that?

A few weeks pass. Nothing serious happens. Lena’s neck deep in work that she doesn’t have time for anything else. 

But Kara still continues to try and make plans. She texts Lena, asking to go to lunch, for coffee, for Lena to come to a game night. Lena refuses them all, purposely. It’s easy to come up with excuses, she is the CEO of a company after all. She apologizes the first few times, but quits after a while. Soon it just becomes second nature to just refuse Kara’s invitations and leave it at that. She won’t let herself fall back into relying on someone, on wanting someone.

Kara shows up on her balcony about a month after she saved her from the plane accident. Correction, Lena reminds herself, _Supergirl_ does. 

She looks a little angry and Lena can’t tell if that’s Supergirl who is angry at her or Kara. She’s seen a lot of the caped hero in the news lately, doing what she usually does. Seems National City took having their hero back rather quickly. It was as if nothing changed. But Lena knows better, because everything Supergirl does now seems a little bit more calculated, a little more experienced. She wonders where the hell Supergirl went exactly.

“Supergirl,” Lena greets her with some disdain in her voice. The girl of steel has her arms crossed, floating a mere few inches off the ground. It’s comical really, but Lena knows she’s doing it to gain some sense of authority in their conversation. Lena allows her to believe she has it.

“Miss Luthor.” 

Lena joins the hero out onto the balcony, leaning against the railing. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Supergirl is silent for some time and Lena almost thinks she’s flown off. But the girl of steel speaks. “Kara Danvers informs me that you’ve been rather busy lately. She’s worried about you.”

Lena almost quips, ‘talking about yourself in third person now?’ But she stops. Because Kara thinks Lena thinks Supergirl and Kara are two different people. That thought is enough to give Lena yet another headache. “So she’s sent you.”

“She just wants to make sure you’re okay,” Supergirl continues. Lena rolls her eyes. “Well tell her I say thank you, but not all of us can disappear off the planet for five years and try to come back thinking everything has remained the same. I have a company to run, it gets busy.” She purposefully words her sentences as such, knowing Supergirl will most likely get the hint.

She does, because Lena hears her drop onto the cement of the balcony. “Lena,” 

“Five fucking years and not a word. Just left everything behind, left me wondering what I did wrong,” Lena chokes out. Supergirl does not make a move to comfort her and Lena is glad, because she truly doesn’t want that. 

“I think if you talked about it to her, maybe Kara would be able to explain. She didn’t want to leave you behind the way she did.” Supergirl tries to play middle man between herself and Lena. The CEO shakes her head. 

“Please, leave me alone.” Lena breathes out, voice shaking. There are tears staining her face, smearing her makeup, but she doesn’t care. Supergirl has seen her this vulnerable before. Except Lena’s crying more from pain and anger than sadness. Nothing Kara could say to her would ever make her forgive five years worth of getting over someone she was going to give everything to.

Supergirl bows her head, rubbing her thumbs against the edges of her skirt. “If that is what you want,” she presses, hoping maybe Lena will change her mind but knowing better than to straight up refuse her wishes.

“Yes, it is.”

“Goodnight then, Miss Luthor.” Supergirl hovers off the balcony, taking one last fleeting look at the disheveled woman behind her before racing off to find someone in need of help.

Lena retreats as fast from the balcony as she can, seeking solace in her liquor cabinet she has stashed inside her office. She grabs a bottle of whisky and a glass before heading to the leather couch and downing nearly half the bottle within a matter of an hour. 

At some point, she passes out on the couch, whether it’s from exhaustion, being too drunk, or just too emotionally distraught. Lena doesn’t remember somehow making it to her flat but she wakes up in her white bed sheets, a glass of water and aspirin on her bedside table, and the very distinct memory of being wrapped in a red cape and flown over National City.

* * *

Kara Danvers deliberately waits outside L Corp the following afternoon when Lena is forced to take a lunch break per Jess’ orders. Lena runs into her and judging by Kara’s smile she had planned this to go _exactly_ the way it did. “Kara,” Lena deadpans. There’s no excitement in her voice, just irritation and exhaustion.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here on CatCo business. Jess told me you had the afternoon open and I thought it would be a nice surprise for you if I stopped by for lunch!” Kara explains and she does that cute thing with adjusting her glasses and ducking her head. Lena’s sure her heart is about ready to burst. 

“I wouldn’t say nice surprise.” The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. Kara frowns. 

“Oh.”

“I really should go, I was planning on just going back to my flat and grabbing a few papers I left last night.” Lena makes a move to slide past Kara, already making a scene in her own lobby. Kara boldly puts her hand on Lena’s arm.

“Wait.” She pulls her arm away at Lena’s sharp intake of breath. “Lena, are we ever going to talk about this?” Her voice goes low and soft. Lena glances around the lobby.

“Kara, I can’t talk about this here.”

“Dinner, then.” Kara once again is bold with her actions, pressing forward and trying to break just a little of the steel edges around Lena. 

“I… can’t. I have a date.” It isn’t a lie, Lena does have a date with a woman she met at a gala a few weeks ago. They had exchanged numbers, Lena had asked her out on a date. It was mostly on a whim, after the first exchange with Kara when she came back from her disappearance. 

She regrets it immediately, telling Kara. The look on the blonde’s face makes Lena want to go back on anything she’s ever done to move on. “A.. date.”

“Yes, Kara, a date.” Lena pinches the bridge of her nose, eyes closing briefly. “Listen I really should go.”

“Yeah, right, of course, Lena.” Kara steps back, face still showing shock and pain. Lena wants to step forward, apologize and cancel the damn date just so she can wipe away the look on her face. But she doesn’t. Instead she says a quiet goodbye to Kara and walks out of the building to the car waiting for her. She can’t do this, doesn’t want to go back running to Kara as if nothing happened. She wants Kara to know what she did hurt Lena, but that Lena learned from it and made herself something out of it. That Lena doesn’t need Kara Danvers in her life, no matter how badly she wants her.

She realizes she’s being rude, but Lena Luthor doesn’t do well with being abandoned. She can’t handle it and if it takes pushing away someone who left her so long ago, just like she was sure she would, then so be it.

Lena doesn’t know it, she may never know, but Kara goes back to the DEO and nearly destroys an entire training room over the sheer overwhelming pain she feels at Lena Luthor moving on.

* * *

The date goes well that night, so well that Lena’s waking up the next morning in the woman’s bed. She leaves before the other woman can wake up, though. Lena has a company to run and she’s sure that the date will lead to nothing more than that one night stand.

Jess greets her with coffee and some pastry from the coffee shop *not the one she and Kara would go to, no Jess knows better than that* and Lena mumbles a thank you before locking herself inside her office until her first meeting at ten. She’s enjoying the warm pastry and coffee, sitting and reading the latest issue of CatCo’s magazine, when the caped hero appears at her window. 

Lena laughs because if Kara can’t have her as Kara, then of course she’ll try to talk to Lena as Supergirl. 

Supergirl is taken slightly aback, but her shoulders lose their stiffness, and her crossed arms get a little looser. “Good morning, Miss Luthor.”

“A little early for you, don’t you think, Supergirl?” Lena asks, wiping her fingers on her napkin and turning around in her chair to meet Supergirl’s gaze. The Kryptonian shrugs. 

“I wanted to see if you were doing any better.”

“Doing better? Oh, you mean from the night you tried getting me to talk about Kara Danvers.” She nods, a smile on her face. “I’m doing much better.” There’s sarcasm dripping from her words and she knows that Supergirl hears it. 

Out of spite Lena almost thinks about telling Supergirl about the woman she was with last night. But she stops herself, feeling guilty about it. Kara Danvers was already in a lot of pain over the idea of Lena going out with someone else. 

Besides, Lena’s better than that. Taunting an ex *is that what they are, what they might have been, if kara had stuck around just a bit longer?* is about as classy as a high school relationship, so she doesn’t do it.

“I think you should really talk to Kara. Or to me. About whatever is going on.” Supergirl gives it one last try. Lena hears the desperation in her voice, the way Kara Danvers is peeking out of the Supergirl facade to get to Lena, to understand what happened the past five years.

Lena knows she isn’t the same person she was five years ago, knows Kara can tell in damn near every little thing Lena does or says. The papers probably have done a good job of showing that if Kara’s looked hard enough. Hell, Alex has probably told her sister everything that’s happened with Lena. 

She’s built a new image of Lena Luthor from the ashes of the one Kara Danvers left behind unexpectedly. The new Lena Luthor is made of steel and ice, unbreakable, heartless, down-to-business 24/7. The old Lena Luthor would have cancelled everything if Kara so much as batted an eyelash at her. This one will do everything she can to stop Kara from worming her way into her life again. 

But things are breaking, the steel walls starting to corrode as Lena’s heart yearns for what she’s tried forgetting for the past five years. She wants Kara Danvers again, body and soul, but she also doesn’t want to be forgotten about, left behind again.

Lena Luthor knows when someone will leave her. She’s gotten good at recognizing the signs of someone slowly distancing themselves. But Kara never showed that. And Lena thinks that’s maybe why it hurt so much when it happened. The signs never showed, even if she kept trying to find them, even if she kept telling herself Kara would leave eventually. Never again though.

Supergirl’s still waiting for an answer, waiting for Lena to suddenly just spill everything she’s thinking to her. And god, Lena thinks she looks so good standing there, begging for Lena to talk to her, to Kara. 

She stands and walks up to Supergirl. She has to tilt her head up just a little, enough to make her neck a little more visible, chin jutting out as she fixes her with a hard stare. She can see Supergirl’s eyes slightly glance down at her lips, her own red ones parting to speak, or maybe remind herself to breathe. Lena can feel Kara’s forearms brush slightly against her chest at their close proximity. 

Lena wants to smile, knowing just what kind of effect she has on the girl of steel. Instead, her face remains stoic and she begins piecing together in her head what exactly she wants to say to Supergirl.

“The world may have accepted Supergirl back with open arms and no explanations, but I’m not as swayed. Besides, girl of steel, I’ve been handling life quite well, and Kara Danvers no longer fits into my life the way she once did.” Lena has moved closer, as if it is even possible. Supergirl’s eyes close briefly, face moving forward. Lena feels her lips brush against Supergirl’s and pulls back. “People leave me and I learn to move from that. And you, Kara. You’ve been gone a long time.”

She turns away and Supergirl’s stuck in place, in shock. “Lena,” she begins but stops. Lena looks over her shoulder, eyebrow raised slightly. But then her phone goes off, Jess is calling her to tell her that her 10:30 meeting is here. And when Lena tells Jess to give her a moment and hangs up, Kara is no longer there.


	3. this just in; flashbacks come at inopportune times for lena luthor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys it's been a couple weeks! been hit hard with the college stuff but between some breaks and procrastination i've pieced together this flashback filled chapter. hope you continue to enjoy these lovely angsty kiddos. leave some feedback maybe?

_Kara's leaning against Lena as she talks animatedly with her sister across the table. “I'm just saying, maybe Maggie would like that kind of thing! Right Lena?”_

_Lena’s beer is halfway to her mouth and she stops, glances at Alex who’s giving her a wicked smirk. “I'm the last person to go to for dinner advice,” she answers lamely, mostly because she's been caught off guard._

_Kara had invited Lena out to a Danvers sister’s game night, which consequently involved meeting at an alien bar for drinks and pool. James and Winn were finishing a game off with Maggie, while Kara, Alex, and Lena sat at their table talking._

_“That's not true,” Kara huffs and the warm feeling of her body pressing lightly against Lena’s side is gone as she leans over the table to grab a piece of pizza. “You always take me out to really fancy restaurants.”_

_Lena blushes when Alex mumbles, “but just as friends, right,” because she knows that Kara’s blurring the line between friends and girlfriends in this conversation. Kara apparently doesn't hear it because she continues eating her pizza and scrolling through her phone. Lena peeks over, smiles when she sees the picture of the two of them as Kara’s home screen *that one picture Alex got of them over Christmas when they were setting up the tree* and watches as Kara begins rattling off the list of restaurants._

_“There's an adorable Mexican pastry shop down on Third, remember that one Lena? Mama Ina’s I think. Oh and the kombucha place!”_

_Lena shakes her head. “Maggie seems like she’d much rather enjoy a nice at home meal where she can relax.”_

_Alex nods. “I agree with Luthor on this one. Look, I just want to do our anniversary right and I know you want to help, Kara--”_

_“But it’s supposed to be for an anniversary, meaning intimate and private, between the two of them. Alex can figure this out herself.” Lena interrupts, deciding she could break it to Kara the easiest. She sees Kara frown and jabs her elbow playfully into the blonde’s side. “Tell her about Metropolis.”_

_Alex mouths a thank you to Lena and the CEO tips her beer in understanding as Kara begins her spiel. She and Lena had just gotten back from a two day trip to Metropolis, where Lena had a large conference to go to and Kara snagged the article to write for it. The conference was a two day event, but it lasted a few hours, leaving the two women to explore Metropolis throughout the day. That had been fun and Lena wouldn’t be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy having Kara on her arm for two days, just the two of them._

_It was always the two of them, never really anyone else, but something about being on a business trip with Kara felt so good that Lena was happier about being around Kara more than usual._

_“Lena also rocked her speech at the conference. It was amazing, I can’t wait to send Snapper the article for it,” Kara tells her sister. Lena blushes, dipping her head down._

_“Just confess your love to her already,” Maggie’s voice floats from across the room. Alex laughs loudly and Lena is pretty sure if she wants to sink into the floorboards and never return due of sheer embarrassment._

_Kara is stammering out a response and leaving Alex and Lena to go harass Maggie at pool. Eventually, Lena’s face loses its red glow and she looks up at Alex. “I can recommend you a few personal chefs if you’d like for your anniversary.”_

_Alex is smiling at her like she knows something Lena doesn’t. The CEO doesn’t doubt it, since Alex knows Kara better than anyone and she works for some secret agency where they’re trained to get secrets out of anyone. “I think I’m just going to trust my faith in my own cooking.”_

_It grows silent between them. Lena has been trying to find just about anything to connect with the older Danvers but there was still an uncomfortable barrier between them. Lena just blames the job Alex holds and the reputation the Luthors hold._

_“You didn’t have to drag my sister to Metropolis, you know,” Alex says after a long silence between them that started straining into awkwardness. Lena shifts on her seat, her dress feeling suddenly tighter than usual._

_“I thought it would give Kara an excuse to see her cousin and to appease Snapper all at once. Heard of the phrase ‘kill two birds with one stone?’” Lena retorts back and she knows it comes across bitchy but she was uncomfortable. This was Alex’s way of getting something out of her that she didn’t want to yet admit aloud._

_“Feels like it was three birds instead of two.”_

_Lena doesn’t look at the older Danvers sister. Instead she turns her attention to Kara, who has her arm thrown over Winn’s shoulder and head thrown back in laughter at something James has done to win the pool game with Maggie. The blonde woman finally stops laughing, reeling herself in as James begins to set up another game and asking her to play, and turns her head slightly to catch Lena’s eyes._

_The CEO’s breath catches in her throat at the adorable smirk Kara throws her way. She breaks eye contact and goes back to nursing her beer. Alex clears her throat and when Lena looks up, the older sister has an unreadable look on her face. “Regardless the reason, Luthor, I’m glad you brought her along,” she admits, standing up, “Kara needed that.” Alex walks off to the bar to grab another drink. Lena watches her briefly until Maggie runs up to her girlfriend. She turns her attention back to her own drink and glances up at Kara as the perky blonde practically skips over to her._

_“Do you want to get out of here?” Kara asks, slightly breathless. Lena raises an eyebrow and then peers past Kara’s shoulders to Winn and James._

_“It’s game night, don’t you want to stay with your friends?”_

_Kara shrugs and fidgets with her glasses. “You look like you could just use some Kara time.”_

_Lena laughs, her blush returning. ‘Kara time’ meaning going back to Kara’s place, getting into comfortable clothes and sitting down with a bottle of wine to watch a new show Kara wants her to get into. “You don’t think I enjoy the company of your friends.” It’s not a question, doesn’t need to be. She knows it’s the truth, that it’s what’s running through Kara’s mind._

_“I think you can only handle so much of them. Especially my sister,” Kara elaborates._

_“Hey now, I’m offended!” Alex startles them both as she jumps into the conversation._

_Kara just rolls her eyes and gives her sister a look. Lena wishes she had a better connection with Lex, or maybe even a sister, just so she could understand what was being said with such looks between the sisters._

* * *

_“Feel better now?” Kara asks when Lena walks into her kitchen now dressed in a Metropolis University sweater and leggings, both belonging to the blonde. Lena leans against the island counter and watches Kara pull out two pints of ice cream and then a bottle of red wine._

_“Much, yes,” she answers after a moment and dons her flirty smirk when Kara turns back to her. The blonde chuckles, blush rising to her cheeks. She sets the items on the island and points to the couch behind Lena._

_“Couch, now. It’s time to finish up Game of Thrones.” Kara orders._

_“Yes, ma’am,” Lena drawls, laughing. She grabs the bottle of wine and pints of ice cream before walking to the couch._

_Later, as Kara grabs a blanket and puts it over the two of them sitting side by side, Lena is hit with an overwhelming feeling of affection. “Kara,” she starts slowly, setting down her wine glass. Her legs are folded underneath her and she’s leaning slightly towards Kara, who is ever so subtly moving closer. The two pints of ice cream have already been consumed in the two episodes they’ve watched, mostly eaten by Kara._

_“Hm?” Kara glances at Lena but then her eyes are glued back to the screen._

_Lena wrings her hands together nervously, her heartbeat picking up for a moment before she takes a deep breath and calms it. Kara notices though and the show is paused in a second, the blonder turning to Lena. “Is everything alright?”_

_She doesn’t say anything. Instead Lena just takes in all that is Kara at that moment; hair up in a loose ponytail, wearing a soft white v neck and grey sweatpants. Her glasses are still on and Lena has the urge to take them off, to caress Kara’s jaw, to let her hands run over every visible inch of skin._

_Kara pulls her out of her thoughts when she takes her hand and intertwines their fingers. “Earth to Lena.” There’s a jovial lilt to her voice and her smirk is paralleling the tone._

_Lena leans forward, seized by some uncontrollable thought. She presses her lips to Kara’s, eyes closing, her hand that’s held by Kara’s squeezing slightly._

_Kara smiles and Lena can feel the laugh bubbling in her throat as she kisses back. Neither pushes anything past soft kisses, but Lena allows herself the pleasure of letting her free hand brush against Kara’s neck, fingertips grazing down to the exposed skin on her chest. Kara hums, pleased, but pulls back._

_Lena whines but stays put. She watches as Kara looks back at the tv, almost as if she’s remembered that they’re about to find out if the one character that Lena cannot for the life of her remember his name will live. She almost says something but then Kara’s eyes are trained on her and she’s smiling her usual sweet smile that makes Lena forget how to speak._

_“‘But just as friends right,’” she mimics her sister from earlier and Lena bursts out laughing, pushing at Kara’s shoulders. “What?” Kara grins, letting herself just fall back onto the couch, stretching her legs out to lay on Lena’s lap. “Admit it, that was funny.”_

_Lena just shakes her head and grabs the remote to press play, knowing Kara desperately wants to finish the episode. Kara’s attention is back on the tv, but she keeps her hand intertwined with Lena’s, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand with her thumb. “Are you staying?” she asks when the episode is nearing the end._

_“Am I going to wake up to you having left me?” Lena jokes._

_She sees Kara’s face twist into something undecipherable, as if she was torn. Lena knows why, she’s always known. She’s just waited for the truth from Kara._

_Kara sits back up, face inches from Lena’s. “I’m not going to leave you,” she promises. ___

* * *

__Lena wakes up, alone, tangled in her crisp white sheets. She sits up, staring at the clock on her bedside table. 3:29 A.M._ _

__She half expects when she turns her head to her balcony window to see Supergirl-- Kara-- going to knock on it. Instead she’s met with the expanse of National City’s brilliant light show of the city._ _

__Lena brings her knees up to her chin, back hitting her headboard with a soft thud. She tries to control her breathing as she takes in a shaky breath._ _

__It doesn’t stop the tears as Lena cries to herself until there seems to be no more tears._ _


	4. we interrupt this l-corp ceo pov broadcast for a girl of steel perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically just fluff n a lil angst, as the usual. honestly you guys leaving comments/kudos are amazing. i didn't think anyone would be reading this and get so invested!! y'all are the best, keep it up! hope this chapter doesn't disappoint, it's semi slow but i wanted to update today w it. we'll be getting to the good stuff soon :3
> 
> side note: i've made a playlist for these two that i listen to when writing on spotify, so here's the link if you want to give it a listen https://open.spotify.com/user/katmeza/playlist/6lBWIongxdofmlyoRoE1TL
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think!!

Lena Luthor is strong. She’s stoic, graceful, empowering. She intimidates even the most wealthy businessmen, could probably not even bat an eyelash at someone’s short attempt at slander. 

But Kara Danvers seems to unravel all of that even if she’s just plaguing her in Lena’s memories.

Lena had been having dreams about past memories with Kara for near a week now. She could handle it, knew how to keep it in the safety of her own apartment. That was up until the night of a banquet being held at L-Corp.

“Ms. Luthor.” Jess peeks her head into Lena’s office and Lena finishes clasping the gold necklace around her neck before turning to her secretary. 

“Yes?”

“Many of the corporate partners are here already, if you’re ready,” Jess informs her and Lena takes that as her cue, making her way down to the first floor where the banquet is being held. 

She’s making her speech and thanking everyone for their contribution to the company when she sees Kara towards the back, James Olsen beside her. Lena nearly loses her composure right there on the stage when Kara’s bright blue eyes meet hers.

But she finishes and is off the stage, calling for a glass of champagne and shaking hands with the people waiting for her down at the foot of the stage. Lena wants nothing more than to get away from here, to be left alone. She glances at the watch on her wrist and knows she has to stay at least another 33 minutes before it’s acceptable for her to slip away. She and Lex had gotten great at figuring out when it was okay to leave, to hide away in the coat racks at events or closets at Christmas parties. If there was one thing they learned to hone in on, it was avoidance.

So she mills about, making herself busy by talking to the partners and other wealthy people at the banquet. But it’s no use, soon she runs into both Kara and James. 

“Lena Luthor, it’s good to see you again.” James smiles at her with a genuine smile and Kara is standing beside him busying herself with her empty glass of wine. Lena catches herself taking in the blonde in front of her, eyes lingering on her exposed collarbone and shoulders, her defined arms and shapely legs. She tears her gaze away and doesn’t miss the glance James gives Kara when she does.

“It’s been quite a while. I don’t expect any less, of course. You have CatCo to run and Snapper has his reporters to do the work of interviewing a Luthor,” Lena answers, forcing a smile on her face. A waiter comes by and she places her empty glass on his tray, leaning forward and grabbing Kara’s, forcing the Kryptonian to finally look up and enter the conversation. If Lena has to be uncomfortable in a place that has been devoid of Kara for five years despite there being nods in all areas to her, then she won’t give Kara the relief of not making conversation with her.

Still, as her fingers brush against Kara’s, she has to control herself from taking a sharp intake of breath. She remains composed, although she’s sure Kara can hear her heartbeat speed up.

“Ms. Danvers,” Lena tilts her head slightly, giving Kara an equally forced smile. 

James interjects. “You know the last time I saw you was game night when the entire friend group was together. It hasn’t been the same since, you should join us next week.”

Lena can’t help it when her smile falls and her eyes level back on James. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, instead now he’s struggling to find his word. 

“I don’t exactly have time for game nights any longer, James.” Short, simple. No explanation needed. But James continues.

“I insist, there has to be at least one night you’re free. Winn’s been dying to see you. The entire gang has, really.” James laughs his charismatic laugh, bringing back fond memories of the game nights Lena had with the entire friend group that ended in her usually winning Monopoly or losing poorly at pool *only because Kara would tease her relentlessly and knew exactly how to make her lose concentration.* 

“Really, James, I can’t.”

“Just because Kara left didn’t mean you weren’t no longer welcomed, you know,” James says and there it is, the one thing Lena truly didn’t want to bring up. Kara being gone. And frankly, if she didn’t know better by Kara’s silence, believing she was still gone, had never really returned.

Kara didn’t return, Lena reminds herself. Not fully. No, Kara was different, even if the only thing different about Kara was that Lena had changed and so Kara was trying to with her.

“Trust me, Mr. Olsen, I’m no longer welcomed among _Kara’s_ friends. Besides, it’s the last thing you need, an uptight, no nonsense and all business Luthor crashing your game night,” Lena practically spits out.

“I--I didn’t--”

“If you’ll excuse me, please.” Lena puts back on her smile and walks past Kara and James. Her shoulder brushes against Kara’s and she walks just a little faster to Jess to leave the banquet.

* * *

_“Lena! Wait up!”_

_Lena turns to see Kara running after her, reaching the elevator just in time to get inside before the door closes. Jess is saying something to try and stop Kara but she’s too slow and instead is stuck staring at Lena with an incredulous look on her face when the doors close. Lena can’t help the laugh that escapes as she leans back on the elevator wall._

_Kara grins at her. “I can’t believe you just tried leaving me alone down there,” she teases, remaining off to the side of the elevator, keeping her distance. Lena’s smile drops._

_“I’m sorry. It’s just--”_

_Kara stops her by stepping forward and pulling Lena into a hug. Lena takes in a shaky breath. She automatically crumbles into the blonde’s body, arms wrapping around her middle. Kara strokes her back soothingly as Lena lets herself have this small moment of complete surrender._

_The elevator dings and Lena’s pulling away but Kara manages to grab her hand and intertwine their fingers as they walk out to Lena’s office._

_Lena pours herself a glass of wine as Kara sits on the leather couch, struggling to find something to say. Finally, “are you okay?”_

_The CEO smirks. “Kara, darling, it takes more than a few unkind sentences from some rich white man to hurt me.” She walks over to the blonde and sits beside her, taking a long drink from her glass. Her cheeks pink as she catches Kara watching her intently and sits the glass down on the table. “You shouldn’t have said anything.”_

_Kara sighs. “Lena--”_

_“Kara, I’m serious. People are going to get the wrong idea and I don’t want you compromising your position at CatCo because of me.” Lena interjects, her voice gaining a new sense of authority that she hasn’t truly used around Kara. The Kryptonian adjusts her glasses and glances down at her hands in her lap._

_Lena had been speaking with Kara during the gala. That had been her first mistake. She knew she should have kept her personal life and business life separate. But she had invited a CatCo reporter, knowing very well Snapper would send Kara, technically Kara was there on business._

_She should have known. She had finally been able to hold a gala with all her business partners to celebrate the new direction L-Corp was going in. A lot of the partners were only loyal to the Luthor name. The man who had come up to her while she was with Kara was a proud supporter of everything Lex had done with the business. It was obvious he had a little too much to drink *no more open bars, Lena decided right then and there* and he had begun mouthing off to Lena about ditching her brother entirely to run the business into the ground with the new approach._

_Lena had tried to not let it get to her. She was a master of the poker face. But Kara was right there and Kara was Supergirl and well, Kara may not have told Lena about her alien secret but it was obvious she could sense, could hear, Lena getting worked up._

_And Kara, seemingly having forgotten Kara Danvers was not Supergirl in that moment, stood up for Lena. It was endearing but it had caused a commotion, a lot of notice. Kara had begun telling the man off until Lena finally pulled her away and asked for a few security guards to escort the man out._

_Everyone had noticed and Lena could see people whispering. So she panicked, called for Jess, and immediately left Kara right where she was to get to the elevator._

_She should have known Kara would follow her._

_“Lena, you aren’t seriously upset that I stepped in for you, are you?” Kara sounds flabbergasted. Lena shakes her head._

_“I just…. Don’t do that again, please. I don’t want to be the reason..” Lena falters, now unable to find her words._

_She wants to tell Kara to stop, that she isn’t worth the trouble. Lena certainly doesn’t want to be the reason Kara loses her job or the reason Kara has potentially lost her cover for Supergirl._

_Lena already feels as if she’s projected herself onto Kara too quickly, that Kara’s only being polite. She knows why Kara won’t tell her the secret. It’s all because despite it all, she’s still a Luthor. She isn’t worthy of someone like Kara actually caring about her._

_Kara is quiet and Lena’s sure she’s thinking of some way to leave now. But then Kara’s soft lips are against hers, hand coming to rest between the space between them to steady herself. Lena sighs, one hand moving to grasp the back of Kara’s neck and scratch lightly at her skin, the other hand moving to intertwine her fingers with Kara’s hand against the couch._

_It’s moments like these, when Kara initiates anything at all first, that Lena forgets for a while that Kara may just be appeasing her. She lets herself bask in the idea that Kara may actually, truly, care about her. That Kara wants this as much as Lena does._

_Kara breaks their kiss, only to lean back slightly and take in Lena’s face. “You can’t stop me from standing up for you, Lena. I care about you too much,” she says and her words warm Lena’s entire soul. Lena smiles softly._

_“I don’t deserve you,” she admits, like she always says whenever Kara is just too sweet. Kara chuckles and begins pressing kisses to Lena’s jaw._

_“You deserve the world, Lena.”_

* * *

“Lena!” Kara pushes past the groups of people in the hall to try and get to Lena before she misses her. She can see Jess and Lena waiting at the elevator and Kara pushes through just a little harder. 

Her shoulder hits a little too hard into an older woman and Kara immediately turns back around to apologize. She makes sure the woman is okay before turning her attention back to finding Lena, but at that point it’s too late.

* * *

“Are you going to let me know what’s wrong or am I going to have to lock you in the kryptonite room to get it out of you?” Alex teases Kara the next afternoon at the DEO. Kara feigns a half smile, crossing her arms and pretending to actually listen to Winn’s spiel about his new tech. 

Alex sighs. “Winn,” she orders. He stops talking and turns back to the Danvers sisters, noticing the distant look on Kara’s face. He frowns.

“Sorry. Kara?” He playfully kicks at Kara’s shin. The Kryptonian’s head snaps back to him.

“Hm?”

“Uh, were you listening to anything I was saying just now?” Winn accuses, looking like a hurt puppy. Kara frowns.

“No, I’m sorry.” She runs a hand through her hair and glances between Winn and Alex. “I’m fine, that last fight must have rattled me,” she lies but no one’s buying it. 

“Are you talking about the fight with the alien or with a rather attractive CEO who we’ve yet to see yet since you’ve come back?” Alex crosses her arms and gives her sister a look that screams _‘talk now or I will make you talk.’_

Kara doesn’t know what to tell them, not without admitting everything that had happened before she left. She herself was still confused on what she and Lena had five years ago. Now, with Lena telling her she’s known her secret and decidingly telling Kara she no longer needs her in her life, Kara truly doesn’t know what to feel. Or even what to do.

She wants to fight for Lena Luthor, but does Lena want that?

“Lena and I didn’t fight,” Kara answers lamely, sounding more like a ten year old trying to cover up an accusation put on her. Alex raises an eyebrow. Winn coughs and turns back to his computer. “We didn’t,” Kara states again, crossing her arms in an Alex-like fashion. At least in her suit it’s working a little better than it would usually.

“James tells me last night was particularly icy between you two. Unnaturally so,” Alex tells her sister. Kara groans. 

Alex pulls her away to the kryptonite room and leans against the door, waiting for Kara to explain herself. The blonde paces around the room, head bowed. “Alex, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Kara, you realize that it might help if you tell me what’s going on.” Alex watches her sister finally stop and turn to her. “If you don’t think I haven’t noticed how Lena Luthor has gone from being the most prominent figure in your life besides me to becoming barely a ghost of your past that you hate bringing up, then you don’t know me well enough. You two were inseparable once.”

“Yeah, once,” Kara mutters. Alex cocks her head slightly and Kara sighs. “Once, Alex. Before I left for five years and come back to someone I barely know.”

She lets it slip, that thought that had been burning at the front of her mind since she first heard what Lena Luthor was up to when she came back. Because Lena wasn’t who she had left behind five years ago. She was too hard to read now, hard to understand. Kara could barely pick up why exactly Lena’s heart sped up when they were around one another.

Alex’s face becomes unreadable as she nods her head and looks away. “You know, I visited her a few times when you first left.”

Kara’s breath escapes her lips quickly and she sits down on the mat in the room. Alex smiles sadly and walks over. “She only reciprocated that visit once. The other times were missed tries at visits. Either she was too busy or Jess just told me to stop trying to see her. I invited her to the wedding, you know?”

“Did she go?” Kara pictures Lena in a beautiful flowing dress, maybe dancing with Winn at the dinner after. She smiles softly at that image that appears in her head. Lets herself enjoy it for a moment.

“No,” Alex admits, sitting beside her sister, “but you know, we received a rather large check from L-Corp the following week after the wedding as a gift. Maggie and I haven’t touched the money, but it’s there if we need it.” 

Kara opens her mouth to say something. She wants to tell Alex everything. She doesn’t know how, but she does. 

Alex sighs. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you two. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned with Maggie, it’s that relationships tend to work out with communication on both ends.”

Kara jerks her head to meet Alex’s eyes. “W-what?”

“You really didn’t think I wouldn’t see the way you two look at one another? Or how Lena’s always there early in the morning when I would come by for breakfast? You two weren’t fooling anyone.” Alex laughs, patting her sister’s knee.

“Alex,” Kara buries her head in her hands. “Oh my Rao.”

Alex grins. “So, what _were_ you two exactly?”

“Just friends.”

“Yeah, just friends who spent a lot of time with one another behind closed doors. You’ve never had to hide that from the group you know,” Alex elbows her sister, trying anything to cheer Kara up. 

“Lena didn’t want to start mixing personal and business life together. Letting people know what we were doing, being open and public about that, we avoided it to avoid what came with it. That and, well, we never figured out _what_ we were exactly?” Kara admits.

It was too much to call casual dating and it didn’t quite feel like a permanent relationship to Kara. But that said, Kara never understood the earthly custom of relationships. Even trying to ask Alex questions led to awkward moments where neither knew how to talk to one another about it. That had always been a rough spot of conversation before Alex had come out to Kara. So Kara stopped asking.

And Lena frankly hadn’t been any help. They acted like a couple in privacy, best friends in public. But Lena never asked what they were and Kara was not about to bring that up, so she didn’t. They remained close friends, as Lena put it, and never spoke about it as anything else.

Which, in the end, sort of led Kara to believe maybe Lena wasn’t as serious about them as she had hoped.

“Kara, you need to talk to her,” Alex says. 

“I know, I _know_.”

“Did you even ever explain to her why you left?” Alex asks. Kara gives her a puzzling look. 

“Why would I do that?”

The sisters stare at one another in confused silence until Alex gets this look on her face of shock and understanding. “You never told her. About that _S_ you wear on your chest. About Supergirl being you.”

Kara, for once, is completely silent, embarrassed. “I thought it was supposed to be kept a secret, Alex.”

“You and I both know you let that fly out the window. And your disguise sucks so I think she would notice, especially if she’s spent so much time with you.” Alex groans, standing up. “I can’t believe you’ve never told her!”

Then, as Alex becomes the one to pace, she begins piecing things together. “Did you even want to tell her?”

Kara shakes her head. She didn’t want to tell Lena, wanted to keep that part away from Lena as long as possible. “Not because I don’t trust her, because I trust her,” Kara says aloud. She trusted Lena. But it was the rest of the world she did not trust. And just as Lena wanted to keep her two lives separate, Kara wanted that too, just for Lena’s sake. Despite how painful it was to keep her two lives separate. 

She was Kara Danvers around Lena, Supergirl away from Lena. In truth, though, she just wanted to be Kara Zor El around Lena, always. 

Alex just shakes her head, running a hand through her hair. “Dammit Kara.” Kara didn’t have to be a mind reader like J’onn to know what was running through Alex’s head.

She should’ve just told Lena, in the end. Should have told her why she disappeared, why she left without even saying a word about it. She needed to be honest. Lena already knew and Kara owed her an explanation. Besides, she had already lost Lena damn near completely by skirting around the red cape issue, so maybe, just maybe, telling the whole truth would mend things.

And if it didn’t, well, what else did Kara have to lose?


	5. extra, extra! a chapter brought by procrastination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled: turns out lena and kara can't seem to talk about that one gaping chunk of plot info

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaaat another chapter? honestly this chapter is only here thanks to my major procrastination. anyways, you guys are seriously awesome thanks for the comments and kudos last chapter!! it means the world. this may (not) be the last update until may only because i am bogged down with a lot of projects rn. i hope this chapter doesn't disappoint! keep up w the comments/kudos it honestly keeps me going.
> 
> also how about the new promo pics of supercorp and that katie interview?! *swoons*
> 
> if you want to chat about this story or want me to write some one-shots or something hmu at ladykryptoknight.tumblr.com i'm always open to chatting and writing about these two!!
> 
> [oh, and yeah this is apart of a series, i just recently decided to keep with this plot and forward it into another story after the angst fest stops with these two ;)]

Lena doesn’t know why she’s surprised that Kara shows up at her office. After the way things had been nearly a week ago at the gala, she supposes she expected Kara’s appearance sooner. Judging from the week Supergirl looked to be having the last few days, she supposes she can understand why Kara shows up so late.

On the list of things to do, Lena is probably at the bottom of that list for Kara. Besides, Lena truly did not want to talk about the fact that Kara finally knows that Lena’s known who she is behind the glasses.

“Ms. Luthor, Kara Danvers is here to see you,” Jess is at the door and when Lena looks up she can see Kara directly behind her. 

“Let her in,” she waves her hand dismissively and gets right back to her paperwork. 

Kara walks slowly up to her desk and sets a brown paper bag on it. Lena glances up and frowns. “So. You aren't here on reporting business.”

“Uhm, no. Hi,” Kara begins awkwardly and sits down in the chair. “I brought donuts from Noonan’s. I'm sure you're still on that cutting sweets out diet you were on five years ago but I couldn't resist getting you one like old times.”

Lena winces at that. “Old times,” it's laughable really, “as if anything can be like old times.”

She sees Kara's mouth twitch. “Ms. Danvers, if you have nothing to ask me for CatCo I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm obscenely busy today.” Lena sighs. 

“Lena, how long have you known?” Kara asks abruptly and Lena can’t help but panic for a moment. She glances over at her door, making sure it’s closed. 

“That’s what you want to talk about?” She’s dumbfounded, really. Kara nods, eyes never leaving Lena’s. “Fine,” Lena sits back in her chair, “I knew that night at the first gala I had you attend, when I invited both you _and_ Supergirl.”

Kara breathes out slowly and Lena catches the way she picks at the hem of her skirt. “Oh, so… so, a long time.”

“Is that all?”

“Lena--”

“Kara, I can’t do this right now, I have a meeting in fifteen minutes,” Lena says, exasperated. In truth, she wants to talk. She wants to know the entire truth. It had been bugging her why Kara never told her.

Although, deep down inside, Lena already knew the truth. You could never trust a Luthor. No matter how hard she tried, she would never ever be able to get past that, even with someone like Kara. That and well, Lena had a disappointing feeling that Kara didn’t care about her enough to share her secret. 

“Lena, why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Why didn’t you?”

It’s a silent stare down and god Lena wishes the circumstances were different, that they were five years younger right now because she wants nothing more than to fall back to Kara and kiss her senseless. But that’s replaced in a span of five heartbeats because Lena knows that she’s not in the wrong, that she had every good reason to never out Kara like that. 

Kara left. She was gone for five years. Lena did what any sensible person had to do: move on. Just because Kara was back, crashing into her life once again, digging up old scars, didn’t mean Lena had to backtrack as if they were playing some game. “Well?”

Kara fumbles with words for a moment. Then, “I was trying to protect you.”

“From what?” Lena’s voice gets unreasonable stern and loud. 

“Enemies, the press, I don’t know. The universe? Being Supergirl isn’t exactly the safest job in the world.” Kara admits. Lena scoffs.

“You talk to me as if I don’t watch you flying around in that blue suit on the news every day.” 

“Lena, I care about you too much to bring that side of my life into yours.”

 _Care._ Present tense. It makes Lena lose her voice for a minute. “No, you care about your secret too much to bring that into my life. To allow me to know you entirely.” She stands, feeling the urge to do something before she loses it completely. Kara, on instinct, stands as well and stays put in her spot. 

Lena can’t help the tears starting to prick at her eyes. “You don’t need to protect me from anything, Kara. I am a grown woman, I am capable of taking care of myself. And even more than that, I am a Luthor. I have been dealing with mother’s henchmen trying to kill me ever since I got ownership of L-Corp. The press I can handle. I can handle _anything_ , because I’ve been doing it longer than you have known me, and I handled myself quite damn well without you for the past five years. I am not some damsel you need to worry about. I am not a fragile doll, I am not to be patronized and _protected_ as if I can not handle anything. If anything, you protecting me from this Supergirl secret only hinders our relationship,” she swallows, hard, “whatever you want to call what we were.”

Her phone is ringing. Kara is staring at her, wide eyed. “Lena, I never meant for it to be like that.”

“That’s what it sounds like,” Lena goes to grab her phone, “or a rather poorly sought out excuse that lamely covers up the truth. Admit it, Kara. You don’t trust me.” 

“That is not what this is about, Lena, I lo--”

“Enough,” Lena’s voice gives out, knowing exactly what Kara was about to say, “get out. Please.”

Kara doesn’t push. She stands there for a moment longer. She tries to figure out what to say next but has no words. By now, Lena’s phone has stopped ringing and she angrily sets it down on the desk. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Ms. Danvers.”

“There’s so much more I want to say to you, Lena. I want to fix this.”

“Coming to me during work was the worst way to do this, then.” Her voice has gone soft, unreadable. “Waiting five years was the worst way to fix everything. Coming back after you’ve disappeared and acting as if nothing happened….. I need you to go.”

Kara nods, moves to leave. She stops at the door, hand on the handle. “I never meant to hurt you this badly.”

Lena doesn’t say anything, instead she keeps a straight face, staring down at her phone and pretending to be distracted by emails. She wants to say _‘and yet you did’_ or _‘please, come back, explain everything to me’_ but she doesn’t. That’s not her style. She won’t let herself give back into Kara that easily. 

_That’s wrong, you’re doing this wrong,_ a voice in her says. Lena knows it is, knows she should hear Kara out. Talk through it like adults. But in her workplace, during the middle of the day, that’s not the way to do it. Lena will not drop everything for Kara. She has built a life around the absence of Kara Danvers, she won’t let it all fall that easily.

She completely loses it when she hears the door to her office close. She shoots a text to Jess to push back her meetings and sits on the leather couch in her office, curling into the arm of the chair and crying.

* * *

_“You arrived quickly,” Kara laughs, opening the door to her apartment further to allow Lena in. Lena doesn’t say anything, just walks in and sets the bottle of wine on the table before turning back to Kara and diving into her arms after she closes the front door._

_Kara immediately engulfs her in her toned arms, head coming to rest on Lena’s shoulder as Lena herself buries her head in Kara’s neck. They stand like that, wrapped in one another’s embrace, until Lena’s feet start to hurt in her heels. She pulls away and sighs. “I was still at work when I called.”_

_“It’s nearly two in the morning, Lena.” Kara keeps one hand on Lena’s waist, rubbing soothing circles in her hip. Lena shudders and nods._

_“I know. Can we..?” She points to Kara’s closed off room. Kara intertwines their fingers and tugs gently at Lena’s hand._

_“Come on, you need sleep anyways.”_

_Lena sits on the edge of the bed as Kara digs through her drawers for something comfy Lena can wear to bed. “You know, I could easily slip in my underwear, Kara,” she jokes._

_She hears the snap of the drawer handle breaking off and chuckles to herself. “You sort of are a personal heater, I’m just giving suggestions.”_

_Kara chucks a pair of sweatpants and a v neck shirt at Lena. “Your toothbrush is still in the same place it was from last week.”_

_Lena stands from the bed and goes to the bathroom. Along her way, she stops beside Kara and kisses her cheek. “I’m teasing you, you know.”_

_Kara’s waiting in bed when Lena emerges fifteen minutes later. She’s reading something on her phone, or texting Alex, Lena isn’t sure. Probably the latter, she observes, as she leans against the bathroom doorway and watches Kara smile at her phone screen before furiously typing something._

_“Talking about me?” Lena slides up to Kara and curls up into her side. Kara wraps an arm around her._

_“Alex’s on duty tonight at work and keeps complaining that she’s had zero time with Maggie this week. It’s funny,” Kara tells her. Lena shakes her head._

_“You’re a terrible sister.”_

_“Oh, yes, I’m aware. And I don’t want to hear it, you’ve been gone for two weeks on a trip to China!” Kara states. Lena laughs and takes the Kryptonian’s phone from her, rolling over to place it on the bedside table._

_“Then why don’t you stop texting your sister to enjoy the little time we have together before I’m on a plane tomorrow afternoon for Australia.” She rolls back to her side to lay next to Kara again but the blonde has moved to be on her side as well, pouting at Lena. “This isn’t how cuddling works, love.”_

_Kara laughs. “My sister is going to get suspicious if I disappear on her.”_

_“Well, she’ll just have to come and figure out her sister is spending quality time with Lena Luthor.” Lena moves to lay on her back. Kara pushes herself on her belly, moving closer to Lena and playing with her hair._

_“Why can’t you stay a little longer? Surely you could have taken some more time off in between trips.” Kara sounds needy and frankly, it makes Lena’s toes curl at the thought of someone wanting more time with her. She smiles._

_“You know it doesn’t work like that. International relations are fickle, darling. You’re lucky I got this night before I’m on another flight.” She tugs at the hem of Kara’s thin shirt and Kara moves so that she’s leaning over Lena._

_“Hi,” Kara breathes as her hair cascades over Lena, enveloping her in the blonde curls._

_Lena pushes herself up on her elbows to meet Kara’s lips. Her fingers ghost under the blonde’s shirt to graze over her abs, biting gently on Kara’s lower lip. Kara groans, sitting up slightly and straddling Lena._

_Around them the entire apartment is quiet, the only sound coming from the city outside Kara’s room. Lena closes her eyes and takes in this moment, knowing that it’ll be the last for a few weeks as she continues her partnering with international companies to secure the largest project L-Corp has in the works yet. Then Kara’s tongue is in her mouth and she forgets all about work, the only thought in her mind now is all Kara, a heat settling in her lower stomach._

_Kara pulls away briefly to smile at her, honest and charming as always, enough to make Lena blush, before she’s tugging Lena’s shirt off swiftly and moving down Lena’s neck with gentle bites and kisses. “God, Kara,” Lena tilts her head back a little, both hands now coming to rest under Kara’s shirt, fingernails scratching at her skin, “I told you I didn’t need any clothes.”_

_The blonde’s breath puffs against Lena’s collarbone as she chuckles. “You’re unbelievable.”_

_“I try,” Lena hums, leaning back to lay back down on the bed. Kara follows, hips still against hers to lay on top of her. Kara sucks at Lena’s collarbone, eliciting a gasp out of the CEO. One of Lena’s hands go to Kara’s hair, fingers intertwining through the golden locks._

_She feels the absence of Kara’s lips before she hears the buzzing of Kara’s phone. Kara’s reaching for it and rolling off Lena quickly, answering it. “Alex? Is everything okay?”_

_Lena grabs her shirt and puts it back on, moving to sit up against the headboard. She pulls her copy of Julian Jaynes, flipping to where she had left off weeks ago._

_“Yeah, Lena’s here…. Okay I’ll tell her that…. Are you sure? If I need to be there…. Ew, gross, enough, goodbye Alex!” Kara hangs up after that, shoving the phone under her pillow and rolling back to Lena. “Sorry.”_

_Lena knows it’s the Supergirl identity. Knows that Supergirl is most likely needed wherever she’s needed. “It’s fine, Kara.”_

_Kara sighs. “It’s not.”_

_“We should get some sleep.” Lena mutters after a few minutes of awkward silence. Kara nods and moves to get under the covers, turning her back to Lena. The CEO stays up a few more minutes to finish her chapter before setting the book back down and getting under the covers herself. She pokes at Kara’s back. “I’m not really a big spoon kind of girl, Danvers.”_

_Kara turns around, a smile on her face. Lena smiles back. “Besides, I’ve spent two weeks alone in a giant bed, so hold me please.”_

_Kara presses her lips to Lena’s quickly. “Okay.”_

_Lena turns around, Kara’s arms immediately wrapping around her waist and bringing her closer. Their legs intertwine and the blonde’s head fits perfectly into the crook of Lena’s neck. This is what she’s missed the most, the feeling of someone close to her. Even two weeks away from Kara felt foreign and ultimately debilitating to Lena. She thankful that whatever the reason Alex called that it wasn’t urgent enough for Supergirl. That they could have this one night, as short as it would be, together._


	6. well folks, looks like it's another [sad] flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways, i said i wouldn't post till the storm calmed w my studies, but the last few days have been shit and i needed to put my anger and sadness into something. so, here's another chapter. it's rather angsty and just a huge sad flashback of lena coping w kara's disappearance but enjoy? it probs makes no sense at all and if it contradicts anything that's been written beforehand lemme know. as always, you guys are amazing. thanks for sticking with this story. 
> 
> i wrote this chapter to lights' acoustic version of muscle memory so enjoy that tune while you're at it.
> 
> you can find me on tumblr as ladykryptoknight

_Lena remembers two things when she realized Kara wasn’t coming back._

_1\. She remembers coming home that night to her own apartment in near five months. It was completely void of food, warmth, and Kara.  
For the first time, Lena couldn’t see the stars. The clouds blocked them out. *How ironic that was, she thinks, that the girl from the stars was gone and so was the night sky and stars she was used to looking at with Kara most nights*_

_2\. Kara had been gone for a couple days. Lena phoned CatCo after Kara didn’t answer her phone for a day. James had picked up and when Lena asked where Kara was, he was silent and Lena just knew Kara was gone._

_This wasn’t like the pain Lena felt when she watched Kara get pummeled as Supergirl live on television by aliens twice her size. It wasn’t like the pain she felt when she watched her mother torture Supergirl right in front of her that one time when Lena was sure she was going to die in Lex’s stupid hideaways. It wasn’t the pain she felt waking up many mornings with Kara gone to do some heroic duty, only to come back later and apologize but give a shitty excuse to where she went at six in the morning._

_This pain was raw and new to Lena. It was like someone had wrapped their hand around her heart and began tearing it out slowly, letting the tendons strain and the blood pump faster in anxiety. It was as if someone was sucking the breath out of Lena until she was a mess in the corner of her apartment on the floor, sobbing soundlessly and gasping for breath._

_Where Lex had hurt her and Lillian had destroyed her, Lena was able to rise from it, to make herself someone new out of it. There wasn’t much of a tie to it all when Lillian hurt her. Lillian was the cold figure meaning to take that place of a mother that Lena flat out rejected. With Lex, it was of course harder to get past the pain, because he was all she had for the past twenty years. The only person who somehow remained with her through it all. And then Kara comes through and it’s a new type of feeling Lena has that she hasn’t felt before and never wants to feel again._

_Kara Danvers meant more to Lena than she’s sure she meant to Kara and that’s where it hurts the most. Lena was sure Kara cared about her just as much. Lena put a lot into Kara where she never did with anyone else in her life. She was willing to do just about anything. It turns out she was wrong._

_But how? Kara never showed signs of being distant with Lena, of never not caring for her. Kara stuck her neck out just as much as Lena did for her._

_Lena isn’t able to do much for the first week. She calls Jess, asks her to cancel everything, damned be the consequences. Jess, like the sweetheart she was, begins sending food for Lena and checking up on her every night through text. But other than that, no one questions, no one texts._

_She hates it. Hates that she had begun to rely on Kara so much that now that the woman was gone, Lena realizes how alone she had always been. Hates that the only reason she ever had friends outside of work relations was all due to Kara. Without Kara, she didn’t have that._

_More than anything, though, Lena is confused. Why had Kara just… left? Why did Kara leave with no explanation? Lena realizes that they never had established what they were together, but there was an established something between them that certainly no one was getting in the middle of. That they were inseparable, that they were there for one another always, that Lena had never felt more loved in her entire life than she did with Kara for the past year._

_In the matter of three days, Kara Danvers also manages to rip away any sense of hope Lena had for her future. Manages to take Lena’s heart away with her wherever she went. Manages to destroy Lena in a way Lillian or Lex were never able to do since she was thrown into the god forsaken family twenty years ago._

_Lena spends most of her time sleeping in the large empty bed in her apartment. She spends the other time she has in her bath, sinking under the water and holding her breath until her chest is on fire and she is seconds away from just sucking in water and letting the pain end for good. It’s a low point for her, one she hates admitting and looking back to, but she’s never felt more lost and alone in her life that she just can’t help it._

_Eventually, L Corp calls and Lena must get back to work. The following weeks, they’re hard. Lena steps outside of her apartment and the sunny city greets her, unknowing of what went on behind the locked door of her apartment, unknowing of Supergirl’s disappearance. She is forced to walk past Noonan’s, where she swears she almost hallucinates Kara standing off to the side with a brown paper bag in one hand, coffees in the other, and phone held between shoulder and ear._

_She finds herself at Kara’s apartment the first night after coming back to work. It’s a muscle memory and Lena doesn’t even realize what she’s doing till she opens the door with the key Kara gave her and calls out for the blonde, only to be met with a penetrating silence._

_The pain washes back over Lena tenfold. She drops her bag and slams the door behind her, staring at the apartment. It’s as if Kara never left. There’s still a coffee mug on the counter, still a pile of blankets on the couch. Something strangled leaves Lena’s throat as she finally accepts the fact that she’s utterly fucked, because she’s wound her way back to Kara’s apartment by memory and habit._

_She still just stays the night in Kara’s apartment, wrapped in the bed sheets that smell faintly like Kara, in the change of clothes she’s kept over in her apartment._

_Kara’s integrated into everything and it’s only obvious when she’s no longer there. For example, Lena no longer goes to the donut shop on Thursdays like usual. In fact, she has to physically force herself not to because part of her hopes that if she goes maybe Kara will be there, waiting for her with open arms and telling her she just went to Metropolis or her sister needed her for the past two weeks._

_Some days Lena’s so caught up in her work that she forgets Kara’s gone. Other days it hits her like a freight train and Lena’s not as functional as she needs to be, tripping over conversations, a million miles away when stuck in the office. She forces herself to stop going to Kara’s apartment, begins to sleep back in her own apartment or, usually, doesn’t sleep at all._

_There’s one night when Lena’s stuck late at the office that she finds herself on the balcony, leaning on the edge and staring up at the stars. She finds herself cursing at the sky for ever bringing Kara Danvers into her life. Then, after a second of silence, she curses them for taking her away. Because she knows that’s where Kara’s at, she’s somewhere there, amongst the stars, as an alien would be._

_Lena’s used to being abandoned, ignored, not trusted. The difference is, though, is that Kara didn’t do most of that to her. Instead, she accepted Lena for everything, gave Lena anything she ever wanted, never turned her back on her when things got tough. The only small detail was the trust, but after twenty years of being a Luthor, trust was only a minor inconvenience that Lena was sure she could live without. That was, until the woman she was sure she was in love with went and disappeared and didn’t say anything because she was an alien and happened to hide that part from Lena._

_And that’s where the real problem was, the Supergirl problem. Kara wasn’t ever willing to show that part to Lena. Lena wasn’t going to push it, to force Kara to out herself, but she was damn near ready, just so she could finally get through to Kara fully, to be able to feel as if nothing was between them and Lena could for once feel at peace with knowing she had someone in her life. Someone who would love her._

_It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, but oh god did it ruin Lena entirely. She shouldn’t have gotten so attached, should have seen this coming from months away. She let her guard down and, as it always did, it screwed her over in the end. She wanted to erase all memory of Kara Danvers from her life._

_Lena feels as if this relationship with Kara was always meant to fall apart. She was never good at relationships. People always had an ultimatum for dating her, or only wanted a relationship with her for all different reasons. Lena was never able to keep anyone around. She was too messy, too closed off. She didn’t want to let anyone in. Letting them in meant getting hurt in the end._

_Kara Danvers was yet another example of that. How could Lena have been so stupid?_

_She had thought Kara was different. But, now that Kara was gone, having left her without a word, an empty promise, nothing, Lena realizes she had misjudged her right from the moment Kara first stepped into her office._

* * *

Lena’s sitting on her couch, her apartment dark, the only light coming from the city outside her balcony. She has a glass of wine in one hand, her other hand her phone. Her thumb is poised over the send button on the keyboard.

She wants to know, needs to. As much as it pains her to face the past head on instead of moving on from it, she knows she can’t live a life without Kara in it. Knows that if anything, she can at least reconcile with the woman who destroyed any hope she had for a special connection with someone that wasn't a Luthor or cared about her being a Luthor. Knows that they may never be the same again, but at least she could finally know what was just so important to Kara to leave for five years without giving Lena an explanation. It figure out what Lena had done wrong, or what was wrong with her that made Kara decide that she should leave and not owe it to Lena an explanation. Lena who put her heart out on the line for Kara without ever pushing it because she respected Kara's privacy and secret.

**_Lena (1:20 a.m.):_ ** _I want to know. You know where to find me. The balcony door is unlocked._


End file.
